


Dear Penthouse

by Poetry



Category: Animorphs - Katherine A. Applegate
Genre: Alien Biology, Awkward Sexual Situations, Drunk Sex, First Time, Humor, Internalized Homophobia, Interspecies, M/M, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Xeno
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-02
Updated: 2018-01-02
Packaged: 2019-02-27 07:51:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,769
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13243809
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Poetry/pseuds/Poetry
Summary: Dear Penthouse: It happened to me. I lost my virginity having kinky gay sex with an alien.





	Dear Penthouse

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Cavatica](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cavatica/gifts).



> Cavatica wanted Ax/Marco with my headcanons for Andalite junk. I'm afraid this may not be as biologically informative as she might have liked, since Marco is too greedy to ask Ax exactly how his genitals work, but hey, I'm sure I'll find opportunities to elaborate in the future. 
> 
> Beta read by LilacSolanum, who made this definitively funnier.

I took a swig from the bottle of baijiu I liberated months ago from my dad’s stock and stashed at Ax’s scoop – to help enforce his sobriety, of course. “So,” I said, passing the bottle back to Ax. “How do Andalites fuck anyway?”

Ax sealed his lips around the bottleneck, coughed, and didn’t blush, damn him. Drop one little hint that Ax might have been afraid of something, ever, and he acted like you’d dragged his porn stash out in public. But drag out an actual porn stash, and he didn’t blink – a fact that I happened to know from experience. Look, for me, embarrassing people is a point of personal pride. I can get Jake tomato red in less than three seconds. I’ll figure out more of Ax’s weaknesses sooner or later.

“You have never shown any curiosity about my people’s customs. Cuss. Tums. Or biology. Except for how we eat. Why the interest? Stuh?”

“That creepy chick Estrid was pretty cute, in an Andalite way,” I said, making grabby hands at the bottle. At least I didn’t cough and cry with every sip of baijiu – take that, Andalite stoicism. “And that alien queen of Atlantis or whatever – don’t get me wrong, total freakazoid, tried to vivisect us, but kind of hot, you know? Maybe I wanna see how the other half lives. Learn how aliens get it on.”

Ax said easily, like it was nothing, “I could demorph and show you.”

Baijiu sprayed from my mouth. I coughed and wheezed into the crook of my elbow. Had Ax seen the gay porn mag in my porn stash that time I dragged it out? I thought I’d put that one at the bottom of the stack.

Ax took the bottle, wrapped his whole mouth around the bottleneck in a completely unnecessary way, and coughed at the burn. He still doesn’t really have the hang of human facial expressions, but he managed to radiate Andalite superiority anyway. “I am not human. I do not share your human shame about genitals. You may see mine if you wish.”

Man, with an opening line like that, a second career as an alien Chippendales stripper was not in the cards for Ax-man. But I had to admit I was curious. Ax was always butt naked in his natural form, and I’d never seen anything on him that looked like a dick. Not that I’d been inspecting him for one. Or wondering if it might be hidden inside his tail blade. Or if maybe his stalk eyes were secretly dicks. I quickly snatched the bottle back, then remembered to lounge casually, like I didn’t care one way or another whether Ax showed me his space dick or not. “Okay, cool, let’s see it. Comfort in your body, awesome. Embracing what nature gave you. Cassie would approve.”

“She would,” Ax said as he demorphed. Blue fur sealed his mouth shut. «She is the one who explained human body taboos and sexuality to me, as she was the only one who was not too embarrassed to do so.»

“Hey, you never asked me,” I said. It goes to show how deranged we Animorphs have become that we can talk about the birds and the bees while listening to each other’s internal organs slosh around.

«I did,» Ax insisted. «During one of your homework sessions at Cassie’s barn.»

“So _that_ ’s why you got so into the anatomy section of my biology textbook. I thought you were trying to figure out how we stand on two legs. Or how I make fart noises with my mouth.”

Fully demorphed, Ax said, «Tobias taught me how to produce those. They are excellent mouth-sounds. The lips tingle pleasurably.» Then he reached down into the thick ruff of fur where his torso meets his deer-like parts, and spread it open, like the girl saucily opening her bathrobe in one of my porn mags, but instead it was my scorpion-centaur buddy from space and it was his own fur attached to his own body. Buried in his fur was a tight pink ring of muscle, glistening a little with fluid.

“Whoa, Ax,” I said. I may have swayed a little. “Is that a vag?”

«My genitals do not resemble a human vagina,» Ax griped. God, he even has to be superior about his alien junk. «Stop trying to impose human anatomy on me.»

I realized I was kind of reaching toward Ax’s oh-so-special Andalite junk, stopped, let the words “Can I touch it?” vomit their way out of my mouth, then panicked. I was making this weird. Why did I always have to make it weird? Then I realized something important. Ax had demorphed. That meant he was sober, and even sober, he had somehow still thought that playing doctor with me was a good idea. So he was making it weird too, and according to the logic I’d recently discovered in my dad’s bottle of baijiu, that made it okay.

Ax had all four of his eyes on me. He almost never does that. His eye stalks were curved outward like parentheses. It was intense. Sweat broke out along my upper lip. «Marco,» he said. «You are intoxicated.»

I brandished the bottle, showing him the level of the liquor inside it, which was still pretty high, since I couldn’t drink too much at a time without coughing and crying just like Ax. “Hey. I’m, like, drunk enough to call my stepmom a gringa, not drunk enough to secretly put habanero sauce in all her food. And anyway, you’re flashing me,” I pointed out. My eyes drifted back and forth between his face and his magical cave of wonders often enough that I was starting to wish I had stalk eyes too. “What’s your point?”

«What you propose is the Andalite equivalent of what humans call a “blowjob.”»

I searched Ax’s face. His nostrils flared open and shut. His hands were still in the long fur at his middle. I was getting better at reading him, but I had no idea what to make of this. Still, he hadn’t said «no» or «that’s gay, bro» at any point so far, and besides, I’d already committed. I lifted my chin. “Maybe I want to learn how to give an alien blowjob. I’ve already turned into an alien, why not blow one? Wait a second. How do you know what a blowjob is? Cassie didn’t explain _that_ , did she?”

«I have watched several episodes of _Sex and the City_ ,» Ax said. He wrapped his delicate fingers around my hand, shaping it into an open palm, and brought it toward his space Grand Canyon or whatever it was. «Like this.»

I had a vague idea of what fingering was supposed to involve, and I was pretty sure it wasn’t the world’s slowest and longest high five. Then again, Ax seemed pretty insistent that what he had wasn’t like a vag, so it made sense I wasn’t supposed to finger it the human way. I pressed my palm against him and felt fur and muscle and slick. Clear membranes slid down over Ax’s eyes, making the green a little less bright. I ground down my hand, and something firm and wet pressed back against it. “Huh,” I said, and moved my hand out of the way so I could have a look.

Ax’s junk had opened up and turned itself outward into a tube, like a Chinese finger trap. When I pressed my palm into it, it latched on and sucked at my hand like a vacuum. “Whoa.”

«Are hands an erogenous zone for humans?» Ax said, his main eyes fixed downward on his finger-trap thingy sucking at my palm. Hearing him nervous and horny made my own nerves and horniness calm down for a second. We were boldly going where no human or Andalite had gone before, but we were in this together. «Normally we would join the _usthit_ to our partner’s, but you do not have one. Is there some other part you would like to use? Perhaps your dick.»

I choked on my own tongue. “Holy shit, you really have been watching _Sex and the City_.” I pulled my hand away from Ax, which took more force than I expected it to. He’d left a kind of hickey on my palm from the suction. As much as guys who wrote _Penthouse_ letters liked to talk about girls with mouths like vacuum cleaners, I wasn’t sure I was ready for something that sucked hard enough to leave a hickey to go on my dick. Luckily, I’d been testing out some exciting and scary new ideas from the gay porn mag, and a vigorous scientific exploration came out with very firm results: I like butt stuff. I said, “Okay, let’s try this,” peeled off my morphing outfit, and backed up into Ax. It turns out I’m just the right height for _usthit_ -to-ass contact – I guess that’s what they mean when they say I’m “fun-sized.” The wet slide of his finger trap junk between my buttcheeks was weird but awesome.

Ax’s muscles tensed against my back. He set his narrow hands on my hips and guided me until his _usthit_ latched onto my asshole and _sucked_. “Oh fuck,” I yelled, twisting and wriggling around. It was like rolling around on a fur rug while the fur rug tossed my salad.

« _Stop moving_ ,» Ax said, and suddenly there was a blade at my throat. I stopped moving. It wasn’t easy. The warm, wet pull at my ass made me want to squirm like bait on a hook. But I couldn’t move. Ax had me pinned between his _usthit_ and his blade.

Then the blade dropped straight to the ground – I don’t think I’ve ever seen Ax’s blade touch the ground before – and the _usthit_ pulled away from my hole with a pop. «I am sorry, Marco. I did not mean to threaten you. It is instinctive for Andalites to engage our tail blades during sexual activity, but you have no way to hold back my blade in your natural form.» A pause. «Also, the shimmying movements were very unpleasant. They kept breaking the seal between my _usthit_ and your orifice. Cassie did not mention that human sex involves so much thrashing about.»

“You tail fight during sex? That’s a whole new level of Freudian, dude.” I leaned back into Ax and tilted my head up so I could see his stalk eyes looking down at me. “I’m into it. You were into it, right? It’s hot, I know you know what you’re doing with your blade, and honestly it might be the only way to keep me from, uh, ‘thrashing about.’”

Ax lifted his blade back up, wiped it on some leaves on the wall of his scoop, and put it back at the level of my throat. «You humans call each other ‘perverted’ for making the mildest sexual comments. I never understood what you meant by it. But this – _this_ is perverted.»

I grinned. “And you’re doing it anyway.” I pushed my ass back against his _usthit_. “Face it, Ax. You’re perving on a human.”

His _usthit_ latched back onto my asshole, making a seal around it like Ax had done with his mouth around the neck of the baijiu bottle. His blade hovered a hair’s breadth from my throat. «Don’t move,» Ax said silkily, and sucked hard at my ass.

It was sweet, sweet torture. The slick pressure on my asshole felt so good, but Ax’s blade was so close I could almost feel it in a hot line across my throat. I trembled with the effort of holding myself still. Sweat ran between my shoulder blades. Instead of squirming, I babbled. “Ax, is this as good for you as it is for me, because this is awesome, oh man no wonder people look so freaked out when you put your blade at their throats like this, holy shit what if you put this thing on my dick instead of my ass, what if – ”

Ax stroked his hands up and down my thighs. «It is very good, Marco-kala. Ahh!»

Ax’s _usthit_ sucked even harder, opening up my hole, and something thick and warm oozed into me. “Oh my God, I totally got you off, Ax, hell yeah,” I panted. But if this was alien come, then it wasn’t much like human jizz, because it kept on, well, _coming_. It flowed into me steadily as Ax breathed in harsh puffs behind me, his fingers tightening on my thighs, even as his tail stayed absolutely level, holding me in place by my throat. My ass was flooded with the heat of whatever he was pumping into me. He was filling me with alien come. I whimpered. It was hot. It was _so_ hot I might as well toss out my entire porn stash because remembering this was going to be way better than anything in a magazine.

The seal on my hole loosened, and the Andalite jizz or whatever it was dribbled out of me. It wasn’t nearly as much as it had felt like going in, which was good, because I was going to have to clean it up sooner or later. But not yet, because Ax’s tail blade had fallen away from my throat, and he was turning me around by my shoulders and saying, «With your permission, I will touch your dick now.»

“Yes, yes, permission granted,” I said, leaning my forehead into his collar. I held him by the back of the head and the thick ruff at the place where the vertical part of his spine met the horizontal part, and looked down at his delicate fingers wrapping around my aching dick.

He played with the foreskin, pushing it all the way up and all the way back. «This is strange,» he said, «but interesting.» He figured out pretty quickly that the underside was the most sensitive, from the way I drooled and maybe cried a bit into his fur when he touched me there, and with a few flicks of his slender fingers, I came into his hand.

«Let me clean you,» he said, because I had way more Andalite jizz on my ass and thighs than he had human jizz on his hand, which was just a tad emasculating. His jizz was kind of bluish, because of course it was. He gathered up some big smooth leaves he uses to clean things around the scoop, wiped off his hand, then mopped me up gently, like how Cassie cleans the baby animals in the cages. Part of my brain kind of liked being treated like a cute orphaned duckling and part of my brain pictured the whole scene of a big blue deer wiping my ass and started shrieking with embarrassment with no sign of stopping. 

A sudden wave of post-coital sleepiness washed over me. Sadly, Ax’s scoop does not have any place fit for a human to sleep on without getting a really bad crick in his neck or dirt up all his crevices. I had plans to fix that. But for now, I wriggled back into my morphing outfit and said, “Cool. Awesome. It’s been real. Maybe I’ll blow you with my mouth next time. That’d be cool, right?” Then I could learn what that bluish Andalite jizz tasted like. Oh man, now that was some new jerk-off material. “I’m gonna go home and sleep.”

«Good night, Marco.» Ax reached out and caressed my cheek, long and slow and soft like a kiss. «Thank you for trusting me.»

I reached up and patted the back of his hand, because I wasn’t sure what else to do with that. “Hey. I’m pretty sure that whole thing was _my_ idea. I should be thanking _you._ ”

«I believe if you think back, you will find it was mostly at my initiation. Also, you were the one who had my blade at your throat.»

“Yeah, yeah, we’re both big alien pervs. Night, Ax.”

I walked out into the dark forest. When I was far enough from Ax’s scoop that he couldn’t hear me anymore, I said out loud, “Dear Penthouse. It happened to me: I lost my virginity having kinky gay sex with an alien.”

«Oh my GOD, Marco,» said Tobias from overhead. «TOO MUCH INFORMATION.»

“Fuck you too, Mr. Hawk-With-A-Human-Girlfriend,” I shouted up at him, and started to morph owl.

«He’s my UNCLE,» Tobias said. «GROSS.»

“Let he who is without interspecies sexiness cast the first stone!” I yelled, until my mouth disappeared and my owl wings took me away.


End file.
